The parting time approached. You reminded me to stay strong and have faith. Weeks ago you left and came back. Plethora of thought barraged my tiny brain. You told me not to cry. But when love is splintered its bound to cast pain. Pumping heavy heart, red hot iron-like chest and insurmountable pain that leave men dead.

My love was genuine and I couldn't bear the parting. So I cried and cried. And when the I could no longer cry I was  as silent as dead-like beaten child. In my grief, the sweeten drink was like witch potion. That drink I never dared to touch till a decade passed.

Nights passed and my hope never left me to see you again. Nights I tried to keep the prayers you taught alive. Prayers I couldn't comprehend meaning of. But its your sound that I always ran in my head

And as weeks turned to months, hopes were shattered in the ground and sadness were replaced with hate. I promised not to love you again, I rationalized that if you loved me you wouldn't leave....

Illumination of Abundance

I learned what was mine was written in the stars, so I never demoralized with what I lost. I learned that pain was only a twinkling of a star time, so I never mourned for it. I learned laughter was only a blink of an eye so I laughed to fullest! I acknowledged that all my beloved were to part me, so I always tried to expect less from them. I knew my existence was of a mere mortal, so I strive to leave good and solid footprint to the coming wayfarers! And lo! There are many to come after me so I bother not with progeny!

I learned that with hard work and hard times the illumination increases. So I struggle to learn even a morsel of knowledge. I learned that hate was energy consuming, so I forgave insolence. I learned that not in every good turn would I deserve equivalent other, so I grateful for the less and equaled my big with the other less! I knew that if anything wasn't a blessing, then it would always be a lesson and that my mood was like water; crystal clear when it was still, and tempestuous, when agitated. So I try to control my anger! I knew I was in a race to success, so challenged myself! I recognized my privileges, so I learned to not envy for more!

I acknowledge I was no god, so I accept my weakness and harness what I could of good morale & moral! I accredit my humanity, so I cry, smile, love, adore, and worship! I know I was a mercy, so I plant hope to every creature; plant or animal. I know that death is inevitable, so I teach myself in every sunrise to give more and ask less. I knew I was a parable, for good or evil, so I guard over my thoughts, statements, and actions. And when I fail achieving it, I ask myself why I failed guarding them.

If you ask me now how did I come to these conclusions? I’ll tell you I experienced plenty and lived frugally. To paraphrase it, I learned things can be acquired but abundance must be tuned to. So stop rushing into things, when the times is right, it will happen.

The Dilemma

The path can be clear and even your objective may be clear. But what you might also need to know sometimes is that you may need to make sacrifices! But sacrifice what time or money? When even time is money!

Before I traveled, I made some objectives keeping everything in mind. My skills, ability, strength and even weakness! Now I feel tested? Just like the experiment I used to do in the physics lab back in the days of school!

The roods diverged into the yellow wood. After a peep; I sensed one path was path of a caged parrot. Fed and properly hydrated but imprisoned. Yet, the other road alas was risky. Neither was there a promise of sustenance nor was there a risk of imprisonment.  What about the burden on my tired shoulders? Can I carry them in this non-prognosticated path?  Two months and a week would tell? Do or Die!

The Mahatma taught me something; whenever he was given an option between two things he would take the easiest of them only if it was farthest from immorality. If it were immoral, He would be the farthest from it. The path was sure easy. It was unquestionably a non- malevolent path!

Nevertheless, the path fulfills null. Neither has it taken my potential, current objectives nor past glories. Yes, with time, it can fulfill my ultimate aim. Yet, maybe the other path will take me to a shorter cut! Do I fear it? Is it worth sacrifice? Time, Money and Burdens have weekend me

I fear not failure or repercussions. Yet retribution from loved ones of my failures and wicked-mouth of those who bear black-hearts and sweet tongues, I can’t bear. And seeing me aimless, broken, and darkened by vision in that ancient house is what I fear. Neither where a hand can be lent nor can wisdom be decreed.

Which path should I sail and which will anchor me to my dreams… Which?

All I Ever Wanted….

…was a piece of cake with my name on it. I didn’t want 25 candles on top of it. A sheer “happy 25^th” would have sufficed.  All I ever wanted was warmth of family that I missed since my 17^th Anniversary. I did not desire for chants from well-wishers. All I wanted was sharing a piece of cake to random good friends around that ancient city….

Since 2006, I received calls and texts congratulating me on the occasion. As unscheduled as they could be, they often reached me as I was commuting, sleeping, working, around friends, and while crossing the equator. How I wished that I could celebrate next to my family. Just capturing those silly pictures so that one day could reminisce. I wonder I would ever indulge in those dreams

As I turned a leaf after another, I became more convinced that they will remain to be dreams that will never be fulfilled. Albeit scrupulosity roared on my heart, I waited and waited. Patience was a cure for a weak. And I was weak against both: Time and Destiny.

This summer patience yielded its fruit, I was there in that ancient house, my family was around and even those good old friends whose friendship started since we were toddlers,still I could not CELEBRATE it. Why?  Superstitious beliefs

How I wished to be farther from my own family. I wished they were thousands of miles away! I wished she could listen to me. All she did was listening to her voice even louder. Never did I think, not even in my wildest dreams, that I could be so close yet so far.

Suddenly, I did not want to be in that ancient house anymore. Nor did I want to see any of them during this auspicious day! None of that mattered now! I have sealed celebrating my birthday! Not with happy candles and chants or probably with content heart of a feeling being around my family with a glamorous birthday cake in the midst! Yes it was a dream and never will it be fulfilled!

Guten Rutsch Ins Neue Year

One Astronomical Unit is the distance between the earth and the sun and that’s nearly 92 billion miles distance between them. A habitable zone for any life to survive and lucky enough to form! Every year planet earth dive into space and time creating seasons and phenomena that at least described as awe! Life and death; summer and winter; young and old and trillions of points amidst them!

I can only compare a year as a rollercoaster with all its ups and down! You may think you have seen the love of your parents but then discover that you only knew the shades of their love! You may feel that you hate a person only to find that at the boundary of your hate lies an unconditional love! And a small deed can multiply more than the greatest multiplicand!

I don’t believe in the New Year resolutions. I’ve never had or will! The time to correct yourself is at any given point! You can stop hating at any point or help a person at any time. You may choose to forgive tomorrow or even at this very moment!

Remember that it’s not too late to change your financial situation or even addictive behavior! Remember those who are less fortunate and do not wait until the earth reaches at the beginning of a line that you could lend him a helping hand! Remember, the prism stratifies the colour of hopes.  And as the German’s say Hope you have a good sliding (in the snow) in the New Year or Guten Rutsch ins Neue Year

Slavery of a Freeman

In his arrogance, he though he could enslave me with his gold. Throwing a pocket of gold into the air, he bought an hour of my rest for hard labour! In his idiocy, he thought my sleep was for sale.

The market was infested with buyers and sellers. Good citizen of Rome and foreigners from as far as China.

The pocket flew on air sprinkling some gold on the ground. My hair rose straight, head burned hot, tears streamed out of my eyes. I am slave to this ruthless, stingy capitalist! Rome has its rule but like any worthless rules of any other city, they are written and not forced or  practiced! I wondered about those leaders who feigned being just and loved by people! Have they passed through the alleys of their markets where their portraits hanged at every corner! Have they witnessed the citizen as they were mistreated, or do they just write false story their success!

The pocket of gold fell onto my nose! I knew I was a slave! Slave not of his money! I have labored not for him but for me! Unlike of those who were sold and bought in the market, I knew I had an option. But rejection would mean sleeping for an hour but a step backward! It would jeopardize my mark! I was Slave, I was certain, not of him but to my needs!

He was a master of an hour and the day! Perhaps the master of the month and that follows it. But I am a free man. For a little while, he could use me as his slave undeterred not by the rules of Rome, Mercy or Humanity. But for the same rime I would use him as a tool for reaching my intent undeterred by his ruthlessness, misery and arrogance! I was not his slave but slave of my need and that is slavery of a free man!

Portraits of Pain

The heaven rumbled and scowled dark. The rocks rained her body incessantly, on her chest, knee and loin, one hitting her nose, second herburning breast and the third narrowly missing her ear. Blindfolded and handcuffed, she was tied tightly on a thick wood with a serpent-thick rope. She didn’t know if she would die of pain or thirst or aggregate of pain and thirst. Sporadic stones fell from everywhere. Apart from blood, she could now smell death.

She opened her eyes. A wrinkled, freckled, hazel-eyed woman beheld her. She was in her hut. The flames spread across the wood in the furnace, the rain knocked hard on the window and whipped the ground and the roof.
“Breath in, then breath out and push hard” encouraged the woman “C’mon. Courage”

As she breath out and screamed, the heaven lashed the hut even harder and violently knocked the window. And with a thundering growl that nearly silenced her screams. The heaven illuminated the hut white.  Thousand lash fell into every inch of her body. Everything went dark. Everything darkened save the wailing of a baby.

She opened her eyes, there were blur images of an aged woman with a doll. The fire danced merrily at the furnace chewing the woods greedily. She could nearly see the oak tree’s leaves orchestrated by the zephyr. The rain now hardly tinkled the window. The moon pushed away the clouds and peeped into the window watching a new creation of nature.

She carefully carried her baby. Tears of joy streamed from her eyes, rubbed her nose with that of the baby. He was very beautiful and she smelt her lover smell in him.  She rocked him gently for a while and then brought him close to her breast, he suckled greedily. Milk flew like a river into his tiny mouth. A capricious fear and worry encompassed her. What if she is not feeding him in a right manner? What if he cried now? What if he gets sick now? What if she becomes a bad mother? Questions barraged her out of nowhere.

The days where veiled with nights, a strong lamp with twinkling dots and nights into seasons that painted the hut between the two large mountain and the beautiful plain. Now the oak tree turned even greener, the grasses flooded the ground and flowers colonised the plain. Busy bee would move between the flowers and scent of peace prevail the land. The breeze would orchestrate the leaves, grass-blades and flowers. Occasionally, a cluster of wooden houseflies would appear between the clouds heading to and fro. It would accompany sound of big explosion.

She had big dreams for the boy. She was sure that he will resemble his father. That he would bring a a beautiful bride in days of peace and that she would see her love story in him.

Autumn arrived; the oak tree leaves turned red and brown. Winds blew wider. Then came a day when the oak tree shed it leaves. This night she decided to cover her child with more clothes. His cradle was moved further from the window. The stars were dimly lit and the moon was red. She couldn’t sleep and tossed in her bed shifting gaze from the cradle to the moon. Her heart beat hard.

The winds blew ice-cold air, the stars vanished and an owl perched on the oak. It was an emissary of no-mortal Visitor as ancient as the heaven and earth. The grass froze and the door burst open as He headed to the cradle. She screamed into consciousness.  The moon peeped into the window white, the stars danced ligher and darker in the sky. An owl perched a branch. She ran to her beloved. He seems to have gone into deep peaceful sleep with a reassuring face. Her heart nearly skipped a beat but she was reassured with his face. She sat on her bed, waiting for the sun to rise. It did…the most magnificent sun rise she had ever seen.

She headed out and did her chorus. Relieved that it was only a nightmare, she was brightened with the visit of the freckled, wrinkled woman. They chatted and chatted. But she couldn’t stop gazing at the cradle anticipating his cry or crawl. Today, she will feed him by her hand. She would hear the first ‘Mama’ from him she was convinced. And today, she will get to smell her lover again and see his dark eyes again. He will be naughty when he grow she promised herself and would bring her a beautiful bride like she is. But the baby did not wake up. He had the same peaceful, reassuring face on his cradle.

She went to inspect him. He was ice-cold and his heart did not beat anymore. The area fell into dead silence. She placed the baby back into the cradle and walked outside the hut. She wanted to run, fly and jump all at once. She wanted to burn the world and toss it upside-down. She felt imprisoned in big deceptive world that promises but rarely fulfilling. She wanted to cry but not tear fell from her eyes.  Heart tormented, she wanted to jump from the highest cliff but a shred of intelligence penetrated into her emotion. She ran back to her love and embraced him tightly. Rubbed her nose with her beloved's, tears streamed and this time felt on the lifeless beautiful creation. She sobbed like a baby and hugged him again. It was the most beautiful portrait of pain painted by the nature.